Harvest Moon: Iron Chef
by RedKatana
Summary: It's a parody of Harvest Moon and Iron Chef. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

RedKatana: Here's the cast list for the show.

Lillia = Iron Chef

Jack = the challenger

Thomas = the announcer

Harvest Sprites = Jack's helpers

Popuri, Ann, Anna, Sasha, Mary, Carter, and Kai = Lillia's helpers

Doug, Manna, and Zack = the judges

* * *

Giving his most cheerful smile to the camera, Thomas, who was wearing his usual red top-hat, red suit, yellow bow tie, and blue shirt, raised up his green microphone and started, "Here in Doug's kitchen we hold our Iron Chef of Mineral Town contest. Will Jack - today's challenger- be able to defeat Lillia, who has been the Iron Chef for two years? Let's find out, folks!"

Lillia and Jack walk into the room. The room had a black and white checkered marble floor with black kitchen counters and white marble countertops. Lillia, her helpers, Jack, and the Harvest Sprites were wearing typical white chef jackets, the only difference was that Lillia had a lavender apron on while Jack (fortunately) didn't and Jack had a white cap on while Lillia didn't. The farmer glared at her, determined to do whatever it would take to win. Lillia just gave him one of her sweetest smile in response, obviously not threatened by Jack or the Harvest Sprites.

That confidence of her's annoyed Jack so much...

"And today's ingredient is..." Thomas muttered, setting his microphone down on one of the kitchen's many counters for a moment. Thomas opened up an envelope and pulled out a piece of paper. Picking up the microphone again, he grinned and announced, "chocolate! Let's start!"

Lillia, Jack, and their crews grabbed as much chocolate as they could carry, setting off to work immediately.

"Look at what the Iron Chef is doing!" Manna said from the end of the long, wooden table she and the rest of the judges were sitting at. Pushing some of her hair out of her face and crossing her right leg over her left, she whispered to herself, "Hmm... I wonder what she'll make with all that..."

Lillia grabbed the flour, butter, and eggs. Turning to Popuri, she said, "Popuri, go set the open and tell Sasha, Anna, and Kai to prepare the special sauce and tell Carter, Ann, and Mary to start making the pudding."

"Yes, mom," she said, going away to do just that.

"Look, the Iron Chef is mixing it all up! She's mixing it all up!" declared Manna, tugging on Doug's sleeve to get the man's attention. Doug resisted the urge to roll his eyes, finding her babbling annoying. Did she really need to say all that? Zack and him weren't blind.

Zack, who was sitting on the other end of the table, leaned forward, practically hypnotized by what Lillia and her team were making. "That flour looks good..." he said, beginning to drool a little. "So good..."

Doug raised his right eyebrow at him. "Seriously, Zack? The flour looks good? The _flour? _That's the thing you're lusting after?" When Zack didn't answer he groaned. Sometimes he felt like he was the only normal person left in town.

"Let's see what Jack is making, shall we?" asked Thomas as he fixed his bow tie, that cheerful grin still present on his face.

"Ooh! He's making chocolate cookies! Flour, eggs, butter, chocolate, that's definitely what it is! Definitely! Oh, now he's baking it! He's baking it, you guys!" Manna said with a large smile on her face, almost jumping up and down in her seat. Doug shook his head at her reaction, sighing. He never could understand that woman and he probably never will.

Zack's drool starts to get to his shirt. "So.. good looking..."

"Oh, I can't wait to see what Lillia's making!" said Manna as Doug took a small sip of his lemonade.

"Well, it looks like she started a new recipe. I think it might be pudding," said Doug, rubbing the end of his mustache with his index finger and thumb.

"Oh, looks like Jack is making chocolate milk! Mmmmm... I bet it'll be good!"

exclaimed Manna, sounding far too interested in such a simple recipe. She shifted in her seat, resisting the urge to lean forward. She was, after all, a lady.

Doug crossed his arms. "Personally, I think chocolate milk is far too simple for this competition," he said, eyeing Jack's every move. "I mean, he's going against Lillia, for Pete's sake! He has to stop playing it safe."

A frown found its way to Manna's face. "Hmm.. Well, I suppose you're right, Doug. It'll take a lot more than chocolate milk to beat Lillia," she said with a sigh.

Zack's drool landed on the table.

"That's a fantastic cake!" said Zack, looking at the chocolate cake.

Zack's drool began taking a curve on the table.

After less than a minute of complete silence from the judges, Manna began to speak. "Well... while this is going on, I'm going to tell you about my daughter..."

Doug's eyes widened in horror. "No! Don't!" he cried out.

Taking a deep breath, she began. "It all started when-"

"That looks like delicious pudding! Mmmm..." Zack licked his mouth, spreading the drool all over his mouth. "Looks so good... So.. so good..."

* * *

**10 minutes later**

* * *

"..and to make matters worse, Duke is always drinking! How did things get this way?" Manna sighed, shaking her head. After muttering something about how Duke had serious problems, she began another one of her long and boring stories about the different residents of Mineral Town, completely oblivious to the status of Doug's right eye. Which was twitching. Violently.

Looking at his burgundy wristwatch, Thomas announced, "Ten minutes left, people!"

Finishing up the chocolate milk, Jack ordered, "Hurry! Get the cookies out the oven!"

Chef saluted him. "Yes, sir!" he said, grabbing a pair of orange oven mitts and running over to the oven.

"Hoggy, help me carry this!" said Chef, taking one of the cookie trays out the oven.

"Um, okay! ...Wait a minute..." Hoggy mumbled, staring at the cookies.

"No! Not this!" said Hoggy, feeling tempted. 'Don't eat the cookies, don't eat the cookies, don't eat the cookies, you fat idiot!' he screamed in his head. Hoggy started pulling on his ears. He was on the brink of tears. 'Must.. not.. let Jack... down! If I choose the cookies, I let Jack down! But if I don't, I miss out on eating Jack's marvelous cookies. And I've tasted Jack's cookies before, and they are the greatest cookies _**ever! **__They're to die for__**!**_"

Hoggy knew that he had to make a decision, and a quick one, at that. And so he chose...

"Must... have... cookies!" Hoggy shouted. He grabbed the cookies away from Chef, causing the latter to fall on his rear.

"Hey, that's not nice!" yelled Chef, resisting the urge to rub his sore bottom. He glared at his yellow-clothed brother. "What did you do that for?"

Ignoring him, Hoggy swallowed all the cookies, not even taking the time to chew them. Dropping the cookie sheet on the ground, he runs over to the oven, grabs the other cookie sheet, and starts swallowing all the cookies on that one too.

Jack stared at Hoggy, shocked. All the color had been drained from his face. After his shock wore off, he began screaming in anger. "You... you little-"

"Grrrr! Raaaa!" screamed out Hoggy, tossing the cookie sheet at Aqua's head.

"Ow! That hurt!" cried Aqua, covering his head. Muttering something in a different language, Aqua takes the cookie sheet, heads over to the sink, and starts running warm water to clean it. "Ugh, dirty stinking Hoggy!" complained Aqua, squirting more liquid soap on the pink sponge.

All of a sudden, Hoggy started floating in mid air, laughing. Sticking his tongue out at Jack, he flies out of one of the windows. "Get back here! I'm not done with you, Hoggy!" bellowed Jack, throwing his hat on the ground in anger.

Tugging at the farmer's white pants, Bold asked, "You want me to get him?"

Jack sighed, wishing he had medicine for the headache he was getting from all this. "Yeah, that would be great..." he muttered, looking at the floor.

"Okay," said Bold, walking off.

"Oh, and Bold?"

Looking over his shoulder at the farmer, Bold asked, "Yeah?"

"Could you bring Nappy, Chef, Staid, Aqua, and Timid? You know, to look for Hoggy?" asked Jack as he began to rub his temples.

"Okay," he said, going off to get his brothers.

"Grrrr... How am I going to win now? I only have chocolate milk!" he groaned, running his right hand through his hair.

"Jack looks upset, just like me.." Doug said to himself, sighing. He looked at Manna. How he wish Manna would shut up... Just.. just for once.

"He first came to town when he was a teenager, he asked Gotz, he is the woodcutter who lives in the mountains, to build him a cottage on Mineral Beach. Then, Kai painted his new house all white! What a strange thing to do! Carter was a big topic of conversation when he first came to town, too, but Kai seems to annoy all the other men. If I said I liked Kai, my Duke would blow his top! Men are so silly when they get too prideful!" said Manna, giggling.

"When will it end?" Doug asked himself, slamming his head on the table. Groaning, he thought to himself, 'She never shuts up...'

"Oh yeah! With how things are going, Lillia is going to win!" said Zack, too hypnotized by the food to notice that both his hands were covered in drool.

Zack's drool is still taking the path to Manna's elbow.

"And then she-" Zack's drool finally got to Manna's elbow. "Ewww! GROSS! THAT IS DISGUSTING ZACK!" she screamed, jumping out of her seat.

Doug jumped, startled by Manna's screaming. Looking down at the drool, Doug said, "Ugh.. She's right, Zack. That was gross!"

"...What?" Zack blinked at him. Doug pointed to the drool and following his pointing Zack looked down, noticing the drool for the first time. He blushed. "Sorry," he said, rubbing the back of his head.

"Time is up!" yelled the announcer.

"I'm doomed! I might as well give it to them..." muttered Jack, burying his face with his hands.

Carter and Mary placed the plates of cake in front of the judges and the mayor.

"Oh boy!" Zack exclaimed before swallowing the cake in less than five bites.

Lillia gasped softly, a little surprised by how fast he ate it. "Well... What do you think?" she asked.

"This... this Is the most delicious cake I've ever tasted!" said Zack, tears rising in his eyes.

"Really?" asked Lillia, beaming at the compliment. When Zack nodded she blushed. "Well, I'm glad you liked it so much," she said, shyly looking away from Zack and at Manna.

Manna took the last bite of her cake. "Mmm.. Incredible, Lillia! Simply incredible!"

Doug, who was half finished his slice, said, "Delicious!" said Doug. With a small smile, she giggled and thanked him. Jack looked around, wishing he could just speed up time so that he just get to the part where he loses. There was no way he was going to win.

"Mmm... This is so good! What's in it?" asked the announcer, shoving another spoonful into his mouth.

"I'm sorry. I can't tell you what I put in it... It's a secret," she whispered, giving the mayor an apologetic smile. "If I gave people my recipes I wouldn't be the Iron Chef anymore. I hope you understand, Thomas."

Sasha and Ann place the pudding in front of the judges and the announcer. Muttering a thank you, Zack gratefully takes the plate and immediately starts eating. Manna sends him a disgusted look, but decides not to comment on his manners. Doug shakes his head in response, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

Zack, with his mouth full of pudding, exclaims, "Delicious!"

"Nutritious!" said Manna after taking her first bite.

Doug takes a bite. "Mmm, absolutely fabulous, like always," said Doug, giving Lillia a warm smile. She blushed and muttered a 'thank you'.

"Wow! Now let's try Jack's chocolate milk!" said Thomas.

Jack placed the chocolate milk in front of the judges and the mayor. All of the judges took a sip at the same time. After just one taste of the milk, they froze and looked at each other, completely silent. Thomas, catching this weird reaction, raised one of his brows, not knowing what to make of their reactions. Deciding not to take a sip of his milk, the announcer puts the glass down. Lillia for once frowned, not knowing what to make of this situation either. Jack glimpsed Lillia frowning for once; she obviously didn't know what to think their response to Jack's drink either.

The young farmer gulped. "Uh... So what do you guys think?" asked a nervous Jack, knowing that at this point he had no chance of winning the competition.

**To be continued...**

RedKatana: How was it? Please R&R!


	2. Chapter 2

The judges went from looking at each other to looking at Jack, their faces completely void of any emotion.

"Well, how is it?" asked the announcer, frowning as well. "Um, guys?" he asked, starting to get a little creeped out by their silence. The judges ignored him. They just kept on staring at Jack with deadpan faces.

"Um, Manna...? Are you okay...?" asked Sasha, worried about her best friend. Sasha looked back at Anna, silently commanding her to do something about this.

When Manna didn't answer Sasha, Anna tried getting her to respond. "Manna sweetie, are you okay?"

"...Dad?" questioned Ann, walking beside him and placing a hand on Doug's shoulder. "Are you alright?" His father didn't answer her, he just kept on staring at Jack.

"Uh..." Thomas looked over at Mary, Kai, Carter, Popuri, and Lillia. They all looked creeped out. He then looked over at Jack, who also looked creeped out. The farmer's eyes were wide and he was shaking in fear. "Err, yeah... We'll be back right after the commercial break..." Thomas said slowly, taking a few steps back from them all.

* * *

**With the search team**

* * *

"Hoggy, come out come out wherever you are!" yelled out Aqua, walking down the streets of Mineral Town.

Nappy yawned and rubbed both his eyes. "Yeah... come out, come out... wherever you are... guy?" he asked, forgetting his brother's name in his tiredness. "I.. I don't know anymore..."

Bold dropped down on his knees and began looking under a bench. "Hoggy!? Where are you!?"

"Where are you bro?" Timid asked softly and slowly, wringing his hands.

* * *

**Meanwhile with Hoggy in a store outside of Mineral Town**

* * *

Hoggy is watching a weight loss commercial on a TV in an electronics section of the store.

A man looking about twenty-seven years old with extremely tanned skin, bulging muscles, bleach blond hair, and dark green eyes wearing a black wife beater is on the screen. With his voice full of passion, he says with an American accent, "Hi, I'm health and fitness instructor Jim Garlin, and I'm here to talk about my newest weight loss pill, it's called Life Saver, and it will change your life forever! Just listen to what our customers have to say about my product!"

The screen goes to a thin man with tanned skin (not nearly as tanned as Jim Garlin, though), brown eyes, and brown hair wearing a gray short sleeved shirt. He was outside, sitting on a green and white striped lawn chair. Across the street little boys and little girls were playing with a slip and slid. The bottom of the screen listed his name, which was Ian MacKenzie. "Thanks to Life Saver the neighborhood kids don't call me Fatty McFatfat!" said Ian with a slight Scottish accent. He was beaming with joy. "It's so great not having to live with that name anymore..."

A small boy with ebony hair and red swim trunks from across the street points at him. "Hey look! It's Fatty McFatfat!" yelled the little boy. Him and his friends start laughing, making Ian start sobbing uncontrollably.

A black man with brunette hair and brown eyes wearing a red shirt appeared on the screen. He had a seven foot green snake resting on his shoulder and an eight foot yellow snake on his lap, the latter of which he was petting. On the bottom of the screen was his name, which was William Hunter. "Thanks to Life Saver, I'm not afraid of snakes anymore. I still wonder how such a small pill can do so much!" said William with a British accent, still petting the snake.

The commercial goes back to Jim Garlin. Showing off those pearly whites of his, he said, "If you call within the next ten minutes, you'll get one bottle of Life Saver free! It's only $19.99! What are you waiting for? Call now!"

Hoggy squeezed his fat belly, a frown forming on his face. "Hmmm..." He looks outside a window and notices a telephone booth. "Ah-ha!" He runs out the building and over to the telephone booth. Digging in his pockets for a few moments, he finally pulls out a dirty quarter with used gum on it. His face was filled with disgust as he pulled the gum off of it and put the quarter in the booth, dialing the number.

"Can I help you?" asked a lady with a high pitched voice on the other line.

Clearing his throat, Hoggy began, "Yes, I'd like to order Life Saver..."

* * *

**Meanwhile with Jack**

* * *

"And we're back everyone!" announced Thomas, fixing his bow tie. "Now tell me judges, what did you think of the drink?" he queried, speaking a little more lowly into the microphone. They kept on staring at the door of Doug's bathroom. Why? Because Jack was using that bathroom.

Jack started humming in the bathroom.

"...Guys?" Thomas tried again.

Their gaze never left that door as the sound of the toilet flushing filled the room.

"...You guys are really starting to scare me..." said the announcer.

Jack got out the bathroom, zipping up his pants. Walking over to them, he asked, "...So...what are we doing here?"

"What the crap was that?" asked Manna slowly and softly.

Doug and Zack looked at Manna, surprised by her language.

"I'm sorry, but, what did you say?" asked the announcer.

"What are you, deaf? I asked what the crap that was."

"...Chocolate milk..." said Jack, taking a step back slowly.

Manna bit the inside of her mouth harshly, tasting a familiar metallic flavor in her mouth as she stared at Jack. "That was chocolate milk?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Jack let out a loud gulp. "Yeah..."

The enraged woman cocked one of her eyebrows. "Really now?"

Jack looked around a bit. "Uh.. yes?"

Lillia moves away from Manna, a little scared herself.

" ...Get out of here," said Manna, trembling slightly.

"But-"

"NOW!" screamed Manna, slamming her fist on the table.

"But I-"

"No! No, no, no, no, no! There is no excuse for... for.." she trailed off, pointing at the glass in anger. "..this thing," she finished, hissing as she threw the glass across the room, shattering it. Popuri and Mary yelped at the sound, the former hiding behind Kai for protection while the latter hid behind Carter.

"Hey! That was mine!" shouted Doug, shocked by her behavior. Manna ignored him, seething as she grinded her teeth together.

"It's not that bad," Jack breathed.

"Not that bad?" she asked, still trembling. When Jack gave a small nod, she screamed out, "NOT BAD!?" before lunging forward to attack Jack. Luckily Zack and Doug caught her in time.

"Whoa! Manna, calm down!" shouts Zack, holding her back.

"How dare you soil this show with that abomination!" she shrieked, her face was bright red and her eyes were filled with animosity. "I'll kill you for this, I swear!" she roared.

"MANNA!" Doug yelled, appalled by her behavior. Mary began to cry, wiping her eyes

Looking at his feet, Jack sighed and walked out the building.

Thomas let out a loud cough. "Okay then... Lillia, you are still the Iron Chef! Congratulations!"

Lillia smiled, obviously pleased with the outcome of the competition.

"Yay!" Popuri said, jumping for joy a little at the news before hugging Kai. Kai returned the hug and smiled at his fiance's happiness.

* * *

**With Jack**

* * *

Jack, who was walking back home, was staring at the ground. With a loud sigh, he said to himself, "Well, that could have gone a lot worse... Oh, who am I kidding? It couldn't have gone any worse..." He looked up at the sky and noticed that Hoggy was wearing a tux and riding an eagle while pouring a-bunch of blue pills down his mouth. The rest of the Harvest Sprites were riding kites, trying to catch him. "...Huh... I wonder what's going on..."

"Get back here, Hoggy!" cried Bold, he was riding a maroon kite.

"Come on, Hoggy! You're being ridiculous!" yelled Staid, he was riding a magenta kite.

"You'll never catch me! You hear me!? Never! Nobody can stop me in this tux! Nobody!" screamed Hoggy before letting out a loud laugh. "With these pills, I'll be lighter and faster than ever!" he cried, shoving more pills down his throat.

Sighing, he looked back at the ground and kicked a pebble. "...Or maybe not..." he muttered.


End file.
